Silence speaks louder than Words

It’s been over a year since I last wrote something. I can’t believe it. I don’t have a clue about how your past year has been, but mine has been a whirlwind.

For starters, I’m now a regular contributer to The Mighty ( You might have read about it in one of my earlier posts).

I’ve also travelled to Cambodia and the southern part of the US. Two drastically different worlds; one common theme : People.

People fascinate me. I’m constantly amazed by their uniqueness/stupidity/humanity/dishonesty/chivalry/intolerance…………….(you get the gist!)

And in my pursuit of “I-don’t-know-what”, I’ve gone to far ends of the world, yet remained stuck in a wallpaper country with a  9-to-6 job that randomly becomes crazy and randomly bores the living daylights out of me. I’ve learn’t things that I never dreamt about 2 years ago, but have become none-the-wiser. I’ve been through the roller coaster experience that is BPD over and over and over again (Remind me again why I keep standing in line for a ride that does this to me???).

And you know what….re-reading my post from last year, I’m not a step ahead or behind. BPD has been playing this weird game of chess with me, and I’ve been literally scrambling across the chessboard to evade being check-mated. Yet that, to me , is a victory in itself.

Don’t mistake my silence for not having done anything. Don’t mistake my silence for not having  ambition that becomes dreams that become goals. Silence speaks louder than words.

Everything is moving behind the scenes. And it’s exciting to think how long this chess game will last and what other routes I can take and what other treasures I will unearth along the way!

Till next time!

BPD Resources? How to find the pearl in the oyster….

I’m always on the look-out for resources that can help me be a better version of myself.

I know it’s simply a list, but there’s a lot of good stuff out there, and it’s sometimes impossible to find them when you’re not able to think clearly. So here it goes:

• University of Wollongong’s site Project Air Strategy combines a lot of resources into one easy-to-navigate page. Go on, check it out!   Project Air Strategy
• I’ve referenced this in my last post, but The Mighty is a great site when you want to know you’re not alone in your suffering :. It’s also got plenty of articles on other disorders should you be suffering from a comorbidity      TheMighty
• If you just want the facts and like myself, you prefer being given a set of tasks , this site will do just the trick Borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com

A few of the others below are mainly people’s narratives of their own struggles with the disorder. Warning : There might be triggers:

• She is a lovely person who recounts very honestly her life and struggles. She reminds me a lot of myself! 😀     MyBPDStory
• Another beautiful blog that’s worth browsing through anytime    Beating-BPD

Okay that’s it from me! I’ll keep updating as and when I find more resorces from all the lovely people out there!

What to do in a borderline crisis

Okay, so I’m borderline. What that means is that I suffer from a psychological disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder.

I’m not going to delve into what that feels like or what are the typical symptoms.There are some pretty cool posts on the site that I’ve linked here, which can tell you a lot more about them, if you’re interested.

https://themighty.com/category/mental-illness/borderline-personality-disorder/

To cut a long story short, i’m currently in what a borderline would describe as a borderline crisis. It’s actually not a typical borderline crisis (since i’m able to function), but its close.

And yesterday, when I was feeling my worst, and wanted to find some ideas on what to do when in a borderline crisis, I simply couldn’t find anything that spoke to me….which prompted me to list out things that really helped me out(yesterday and in the past):

• The main thing is to be able to find a way to control those desperate, exaggerated thoughts and emotions. And the best way , I’ve found, is to disconnect. Do anything that takes your mind off those thoughts, but which doesn’t take too much thinking power. It’s better if there’s a goal you can see. For example, take your laptop and start typing. Type what you feel till 3 pages are filled. Then go back and re-read it and correct it. Or watch a hilarious comedy you love. I personally can always go for Friends or That 70’s Show. It’ll take your mind off and give time for your emotions to reach back to within normal levels.
• The other thing you can do is CONNECT. Connect with anyone. Have a friend ? Call her? If shes busy or doesn’t answer, try the next one. Its not directed at you, but you need to find a person to help take your mind off things. Don’t think about whether they would want to listen to you (They most likely would, but it’s your negativity that’s making you think otherwise). Try and make a plan. You’ll feel good knowing you have somehwere to go. Don’t have a person you can call? Go to the next point
• Use your senses.
  • SEE. Anything calming. A candle flame. The ocean. The people passing by. The horizon.
  • HEAR. Something that invigorates you. Loud music. Soft music. The sound of rain. The buzz in the coffee shop.Birds chirping.
  • TASTE. Something sour. Something sweet. Something tangy. Your favourite candy that comforts you.
  • SMELL. The soil in your freshly watered plant pot. Your favourite perfume. Your favourite food. A scented candle you love.
  • FEEL. Hug your pet. Or a friend. Or even yourself. Take a shower. Just get under the water and keep it running.Cry your heart out and hear/taste/feel yourself as you do it. Better still, play some music and dance. Get into it.
•  Following on from the last point above, when you get out of the shower, change into your outside clothes and get outside. It’s fine if you’re crying while you walk. Go to the coffee shop in your neighbourhood, grab a tea or hot chocolate, grab a seat and watch people around you. Make up stories about what they’re doing, who they’re with. The point is to think of other things besides what is currently making you swing on the BPD spectrum.
• For those who can’t feel themselves or their emotions (a VERY real BPD phenomenon), and are thinking of self-hurting, get an ice cube, and hold it against your skin till it feels really cold. If it melts, get another one, an another and another. Dip your feet in ice cold or warm water. Keep at it till you’re no longer feeling as bad as you did before.
• If you live near a dog-park or any park for that matter, go there, grab a bench and watch the kids and dogs playing. You’ll feel your emotions calm down and your heart soar.

That’s all I could think of, but they all helped me time and again. If I remember more, I’ll edit the post again. I purposely didn’t include things like reading a book, solving a crossword, doing a puzzle, going to a place of worship; primarily because I usually find they don’t take my mind off my emotions and thoughts fast enough. But if it works for you, give it a shot. You know yourself best, and your coping mechanisms best.

 

Finally, things NOT to do. I repeat, NOT to do. You will regret doing these.

• DO NOT drink alcohol
• DO NOT go for a drive, unless you can think clearly.
• DO NOT call a love interest.
• DO NOT make any major decisions- buying a ticket to go on  a holiday, accepting or rejecting any offer (job, house, divorce), breaking-up, getting a tattoo, piercing, or even a drastic overhaul of your looks.

If anything, simply running through the list above should help you find something that strikes a chord or something you can adjust so that it resonates with you.

If you’re reading this looking to feel better, I  really really hope this helps you and you do find your sweet spot! Remember, you ARE loved!

 

 

 

Honeyed Ramblings

Let me start off by explaining why I chose to name my blog as such. I tend to ramble. A lot. The ramblings part followed naturally. I originally chose incessant ramblings, but somehow felt the negative connotation of the word ‘incessant’ drew away from what I was intending to achieve with my blog. When I talk in real life, it’s usually a mixture of sweet and sour. I try to punctuate my tales of woe with excerpts of bliss. Or vice-versa. And so I thought, what better way to immortalize my thoughts than with prose that speaks in honeyed tones. Sometimes bland, sometimes sweet. And ‘honeyed’ quickly replaced ‘incessant’. So there you go. Thats how it came to be.

I can guarantee you that all I need is a few minutes to regale you with tales of my life, because boy! is it entertaining! Join me on my adventures, as I celebrate them with words! 🙂